My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
