I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Randomize
