I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
