i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
