just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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