Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
