i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
