Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
