I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
