SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
