Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
