Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
