dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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