dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
