I am puke
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
