FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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