I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
