The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
