I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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