Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
