Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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