We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
