we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
