Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
