Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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