Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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