I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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