So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
we're so committed to being not committed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
