If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
