You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
