she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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