MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
