I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
