Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
