You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
