and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
