If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
