WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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