every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
