I CAN MOONWALK!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
