His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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