Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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