Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
