I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
