I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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