This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
