Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
