He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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