He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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