ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
