How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
