Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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