yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
