Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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