Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
