The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
