Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
farters have to be the big spoon...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm like, not good at living.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
