After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
