is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
