I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
