I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
