News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize