God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
