I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
