i permit you to call me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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