my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize